And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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