my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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