The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
