The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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