I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He keeps bees of course he's weird
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
