dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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