I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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