Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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