what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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