he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The Olympian is in my bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
