i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
