I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
