Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
