we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize