That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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