i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
