dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
