This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The Olympian is in my bed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
