ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
