i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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