Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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