he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
