I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
