"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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