OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
