He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
