I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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