Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize