Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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