Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
