I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
