he wants to bone in the snuggie
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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