Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
