Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
