yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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