I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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