we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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