just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
