Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
