Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
