Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
