Welp...herpes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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