Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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