i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
