You really coming over, don't trick.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
