I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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