Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
