i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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