i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
