i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
