CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
