who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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