So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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