hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
too bad you live with your parents still
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
