Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
