well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
