You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
