Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Houston, we have a squirter
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
