His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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