i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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