I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
