It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
