So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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